I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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