We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
