you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
