So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
