Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
