i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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