been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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