my sisters under your porch take her home
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
