Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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