you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
