She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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