Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Welp...herpes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
