he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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