I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
