After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
