Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
