I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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