he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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