dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
