my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
