my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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