Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
