Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
