She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
