Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
