I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
