Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
