Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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