I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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