He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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