Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
