I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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