dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
