Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
