y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
