dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
