My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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