i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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