I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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