Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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