dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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