i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
