So drunk its hurt
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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