Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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