I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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