I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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