And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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