I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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