Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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