and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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