Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
PANTIES FOUND
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