I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize