no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
