and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize