i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
