Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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