What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down