I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it