I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.