How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.