Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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