Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
