drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
