Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i will never coherently bang her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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