I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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