Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
