my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
