Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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