He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
