R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
