Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
