I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
