Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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